God is closer to you than you think....

13th November 1999...... It may be of no significance to the millions of beautiful souls in this world but it was "THE" day of my life. Yes, I was married on this day to the man I had once loved with all my heart and an honest confession that this love has defined my life. Everything happens for a reason and may be today, yes today I realize that we were not made for each other. Because all I remember today is not romance or care but the long nights when I cried endlessly to find the answers to the withering of what once was bloomed with love. I had faced horrors during the 12 years of my marriage... I don’t know which tore my soul apart. The terror I felt the first time when I witnessed such things, or the numbness that came after it started to become ordinary. I was silly and naive who continued to hope day after day that things could someday get better when really it was decaying.

During these years, I had felt the cold and darkness coming, I knew that this fairytale will have a tragic end but every time I wanted to free myself, I found as if being dragged behind a carriage and cannot let go or turn the course aside. I looked at my two adorable sons and thought I would someday be able to save my marriage for their well being. But now I realize that he knew what he would do and just walked over all of us... the three of us. I did not know then how much was ended. When I look back now, I can still see the dark circles around my eyes sinking deeper and deeper and my skin resembling a fresh corpse, cuz' my soul had suffered and it had started surfacing. Just like those who say time heals, do not know that outwardly it does, but the havoc it wreaks inside is beyond repair. Those supposedly healed scars we carry with us around, they become our life defining secrets.

And then I accepted that the love that I had so long clung to, has gone forever. With all the lessons it taught me, I remain in debt for the strength it had given me... my two extra-ordinary sons. One masters academics while the other paints my life's canvas with a million colors that I never knew ever existed in this planet.

The story of our life can be told in a thousand different ways. I realized that I am a divine project and so instead of telling my story over and over as tragedy, I have chosen to call it an epic. I have gathered the boldness and courage to call it beautiful instead of calling it ugly.

And you know why?

Faith, love of family, friends, respect at work, enough money to raise my kids, time to pray, play, hug , laugh , forgive and forget, health, food, clothes and the list of things to bow with gratitude goes on and on as compared to the few tragedies I faced in life. So I retraced my steps and went back to the purest place in my heart… Where God lives. I found my way again because I know God is opening my book and I’m the next in line to be favored by Him.

Friends, with this piece of writing I hope to sweep away the terror and the sadness of my life and to have my heart made pure again by God's grace. And I also want each one of you to dream your dreams and surely God shall pour overflowing grace and divine power upon your life to make your dreams come true. Amen.


Stay blessed!!